Observations from 7.5 Weeks Into This Thing

Time for a check-in on Charlie sundries from his appearance into our lives:

• Babies really can hear when they are in the womb. The proof is how he recognized Stephan's voice the first time he spoke to him once he was born. Steph was the best at speaking to Lisa's belly during the pregnancy.
  
  
• His mutant power? Turning ordinarily normal, reasonably intelligent adults into cooing fools (Discovery News says otherwise, but they are nerds who should be ignored.)
  
  
• You cannot have enough of the following: cloths during feeding (gag rags, as my father calls them), clean bottles ready for use, silly songs oto appease fussier moods, people who are happy when they hold him.
  
  
• I don't know how single parents do it.
  
  
• The boy doesn't burp, he power-pukes.
  
  
• The alternate words for poop all sound sexual. "Boom boom," "tit," call me if you want more...
  
  
• Lisa is hypertuned to Charlie's needs. From the deepest sleep she will wake up instantly if he makes a soft noise. I'm glad for this, because I sleep like I died.
  
  
• Baby clothes with some dopey saying can make even the most miserable, crusty crank crack a smile.
  
  
• Grandparents will finally learn the features of their cell phones.
  
  
• There is no law of diminishing returns on nickname production. For instance, Charlie begets Chubble, which begets Here Comes Chubble!, which begets Double Chubble, which begets Chubble Telescope, which begets Chubbawamba, which begets a new version of "I Get Knocked Down (Tubthumping)" with lyrics like "He takes a baby drink, he takes a yummy drink," et cetera ad infinitum.
  
  
• When I come home from work and he hears my voice, he pumps his arms and flexes his face in what looks like excitement. I'm sure there are better feelings in the world, but those will have to come later, because right now, there is nothing
  
  nothing
  
  nothing like it.